It’s been a hard couple of days. On Friday I did something incredibly stupid which resulted in my shattering the back glass on my Subaru Outback. I was loading a 27” TV in the back to take it to be recycled, and I thought it was far enough in, but it wasn’t. :/ When I went to close the hatch, the topmost corner of the TV hit the glass and it smashed into a bazillion pieces.  It’s getting fixed on Tuesday but it’s gonna cost $650. :( Completely sucks.

Then today I was out with my horse for the first time in two weeks. I was just sitting on him bareback on the front lawn of the farm, letting him graze, when some yahoo hunters started shooting at deer they’d flushed across some fields, despite being WAYYYY too close to houses and the barns. My horse spooked and spun on one hind foot. I tried to grip him, but I felt my knee give out and down I went. The doc thinks I may have torn a ligament or damaged the cartilage. I have to keep it iced and up for the next few days. :/ It hurts like an S.O.B. :/ *joy*

Just all around feeling down and depressed. My husband is a saint to put up with me, really. There are days when I really wonder why he hasn’t cut his losses and gotten outta here.

I’m searching for the Christmas Spirit, but I think it missed me this year. I keep hoping to smell the pine and feel the bite in the wind, but so far, no go. Mostly I’m just tired.

Maybe I’ll take some more Advil and drink some hot cocoa, then go take a nap. :/

Could you forgive your best friend for sleeping with your partner?
No. And neither could my mom. That’s why my parents got divorced. (said ex-best friend is now my stepmother. Go figure.)

How old will you be on your next birthday?
38.

Is there anything/anyone you hate?
Yes. I hate my husband having to go out of state to find a decent wage job and now he is gone most of the week working in New Jersey.

Are you single?
No. Been married 14 years.

Do you find it in your heart to forgive?
Sometimes. Depends on what they did. I forgave my sister-in-law for screaming obscenities at me every time she saw me and I forgave my husband for lying to me about the household finances, so I guess yes, I do forgive.

Have you ever seen a real redneck?
Yes. I live in Central PA.

Do tattoos and piercings excite you?
Not really, but I do appreciate nicely done body art.

What's the meaning of life?
Bill and Ted had it right: Be excellent to each other.

What size shoes do you wear in women/men?
7 to 7 ½ women’s

What's your favorite season?
Autumn

Do you care if people talk smack about you?
Depends on who it is. If it’s someone I trust, then yes, I do.

At what age do you want to get married?
I got married at 24.

How long are you on the phone daily?
Cell phone? About 2 hours total. Home phone? Less than 30 mins.

Sorry, I forgot to ask your name?
Call me Izzy.

Are you in a good mood?
Yes and no. Yes, it’s Friday and my husband is coming home. No, coz I smashed my rear windshield to pieces this afternoon. :/

Do you think people will exist forever?
Goddess, I hope not.

Do you believe in luck?
Yes.

Everything happens for a reason, right?
Yes, I just wish I knew why more often. :/ ex: me smashing the windshield today.

Do you like snakes?
Yes.

Where is one place that you'd like to visit?
Australia.

Do you like waffles?
Yes.

Anything you're looking forward to?
Moving to a new house.

Do you have more or less than five best friends?
Less.

What would you do if the friend you talk to most stopped talking to you?
Hmm, that’s happened already. I’m sure it was my fault, although I have no idea what it was that I did. I let her go. People are in my life because they want to be or not at all.

Does the number 23 have any significance to you?
No, but ask Jim Carey. ;)

Be honest, do you like people in general?
In general, I think humanity is a blight on the earth, but most of the people I’ve met are decent. I hate crowds tho.

Big or small dogs?
All dogs. I have 4.

What do you think about death?
It’s part of life.

Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else?
No.

Do you know anyone named Dave?
Yes.

Do you think that Starbucks is expensive?
About average for a fru-fru coffee place.

Say you were given a drug test right now. Would you pass or fail?
Pass.

Are you taller than 5'6"?
No.

Ever see a dead body?
Yes.

How are you?
No idea. Still sucking air, I suppose.

Who was the last person to send you a text message?
My husband.

What is the weather like today?
Sunny but cold.

Last voicemail you received?
My office.

What did you do yesterday?
Worked, finished a Christmas ornament, wrote on my new story.

What's the first thing you would do with five million dollars?
First thing? Pay off the mortgage on the boarding farm where we board our horses so the owner can quit working 7 days a week and be able to spend more time with her own horses. Then I’d buy my mom a little house down the beach. And then I’d buy land and build a house and barn for my husband and our animals.

How many hours did you sleep last night?
About 5.

Who's the last person that you felt was stalking you?
My ex stalked me. I had to get the police involved.

If all of your friends were going on a road trip, would you?
Depends on how many and where to.

How much money do you have, in cash?
After replacing the windshield?? -$.02.

Is your phone right beside you?
No.

Have you cried today?
Yes, when I broke the windshield.

What is the color of your bed sheets?
Pale green, but they need washed.

Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes.

Are you photogenic?
No, not really. At least I don’t think so.

Where do you spend most of your money?
Food and mortgage.

Do you have a tattoo?
No.

Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings?
Unfortunately, no. :(

What are you doing in 2008?
Working. Going to Fl. Hopefully moving.

Who did you last message on Myspace?
My cousin.

Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call but never do?
No.

Does it annoy you when people complain about things that they will not change? Yes.

What is the wallpaper on your cell?
None.

Who last made you smile?
My kitten.

If you could tell one ex something what would you say?
Go to Hell. You have no power over me.

Heart is back up in full distribution. Eveything seems A-Ok, but if you do order a copy and the cover is all washed-out and the pages all crooked, please let me know ASAP.

http://www.lulu.com/content/1310320

Take care and be safe

Izzy

*sigh* There are times when I really have to step back and wonder what the higher lesson in all of this is. Really.

Lately I have been dealing with a LOT of first and second chakra issues and wondering how I got so screwed up. I've been dragging them into the light and turning them over and asking "Why are you like this? Why do you think this way? Why do you believe these things about yourself? Where does all this crap come from?"

Why do I think I am worthless and ugly and unworthy? Where did this bulls**t start? And why do I feel it so deeply that it seems to be my normal alignment, and I have to consciously concentrate to recognize when it is happening and put a stop to it?

Lately I have been dealing with how easy it is to make writers think their work is crap. Poppy Z Brite once made a post on how fragile writers are and how easy it is to make them think that their work is worthless. I'm like that.

My book Heart of a Fox is GOOD. I am a good writer. It is quality work. I'm not some two-bit tween who doesn't know how to spell or string a sentence together. I have been writing and honing my skills for TWO decades. Everyone I have sent the book to has loved it. One editor said it was "nearly flawless." The worst feedback I have gotten on it is that the margins are too wide.

But now I am embroiled in a tug of war with the publisher Lulu over a shipment of defective books I received. I am saying that the problem is theirs and they need to compensate me for the mis-printed books, and they are saying it's my problem and tough doo-doo on me if I'm out $300.

I ordered 20 copies of my book. They arrived with faded-out covers and skewed pages. The 16 copies of my book that I prevously ordered came out fine, but the cover was too dark and I found some mistakes in the manuscript. So I had the artist who did the cover lighten the art, I fixed the mistakes, reloaded everything and ordered copies.

When I got the books and found the problem, I went to Lulu support. I sent them scans of the defective covers. They said they needed to consult a print specialist and they'd get back to me after the weekend. Over the weekend, I took the file back to the artist. We printed it on all 3 of her color printers, and we took it to Fex-Ex Kinkos and printed it there too. Each time the file printed fine with no fading of the color. In fact the only way we could recreate the problem was to reduce the saturation on the file to 50%. We declared that it was Lulu's printer that had the problem.

Now Lulu is saying that an artist who has been doing publications and book covers for over 20 years made the stupid mistake of not flattening a transparency layer on the PDF and that's why it printed wrong. Odd that this "transparency layer" doesn't exist on any of my copies of the file, and that I know the PDF file was properly rasterized because I was sitting right beside the artist when she flattened the layers and saved the PDF. But of course, I can't *prove* that because *their* copy has the *ahem* alleged transparency layer that only buggers up their printer.

And as for the skewed pages? Well, that's my margins being too wide. Nevermind that the 16 copies I previously ordered have the same margins and all printed just peachy. But wait! Those copies I paid extra to rush, but the defective copies I didn't pay any extra to rush print and ship. Could it be that non-rush orders are being outsourced to print houses with substandard equipment?

The fall-out of this is Heart has been removed from distribution pending a resolution, which means what few people who would have bought Heart for Christmas and Yule presents are unable to do so because it's not available.

Let me be frank. I have no illusions of being the next JK Rowling. I have no desire to be her. I like my quiet life and I want it even quieter. I want to build a house in the woods and be away from crowds and urban life. I don't write to be a famous author. I write because there are these characters in my head that want their stories told and writing them makes me happy.

All the same it's nice to sell books. It's nice to get feedback, whether good or bad because even bad feedback is valuable- it helps you improve. And it hurts to have such trouble getting it out there. It makes me question my talent and my ability to market my work.

I ask "Why is this happening? Why do I now have 20 copies of my book that I can't do a thing with because they are defective? I can't even donate them because the skewed pages cut off words. Why is this happening to me?"

Yes, yes, I know pity party. Get over it already. I know.

What I've done is create a new version of the book separate from the project that is having the problems and I ordered a copy of it. It, thankfully, printed beautifully and I have ordered 10 more copies. BUT the copy that printed fine was a rush order. If the 10 I ordered that are not rush print wrong then I will know that Lulu outsources their non-rush jobs to substandard printers and I will be doubly upset at a time when my stress levels are high anyway because of the holidays.

But at least the $300 is a tax write-off, right? :/

I dunno. I don't know what it all means, other than Lulu are jerks that won't admit the problem is theirs because then it will mean they owe me 20 books.

But if you have the time, please send good energy towards a positive resolution to all of this drama because goddess-knows I don't need the stress right now.

Thanks.

Be safe.

Izzy

Hi all-

After my mother-in-law died this past July, we took one of her dogs.
Ann was heavily involved in breeding, raising and showing Borzoi
(Russian Wolfhounds) and she had 4 of them when she died. We took the
oldest, Tinkerbell, and she now lives with us and our three other
dogs. We have our own Borzoi, plus a collie we got from Collie Rescue
and an Australian Sheppard/Sheltie cross we got from the SPCA.

I made a video of her for my mother-in-law's friends back in
Douglassville, PA so they can see how she is doing and I put it up on
youtube. The music is a techno version of Pachelbel's Canon.

Here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAoKTZDNnWM

Enjoy. :)